I'm writing this blog entry to share my testimony. Once upon a time I thought I wasn't Christian enough to be a part of the Christian club. When I thought of other Christians it painted a picture of a fake and pious christian, someone who never sins , someone who is better than I am. I know that there are some prideful Christians out there, but no one is perfect, i too have been hurt by them. But a prideful heart cannot be used. God can't use the proud, but can in fact use a willing hand and the broken heart of a sinner. In fact, a broken heart leads to salvation. I realize now that love draws us toward obedience, the closer we walk to God the more of him we receive. When you fall in love, you are willing to do more. As we learn how God accepts us in our imperfection, he stretches our hearts accept the truth about what it means to have a relationship with him. Don't worry about how you will be come to be good at following Jesus, it's not an equation, God makes it easy, he overcomes us, he wins the battle inside us. He is stronger than you and your weaknesses, and he is stronger than the past. God calls us out of the crooks of sin and brokenness. In reality, deep down underneath our stories we are sloppy and we were all once a mess until Jesus found us in our woundedness, healed us, and then sanctified our hearts, so we could pour out the same love that God showed us to others. Once wounded by religion, in my head i was following out of fear, no one in the church ever explained to me how God was a relational God, who knows me and cares. I thought if I was good then I could earn God's love. I had to have God beat it into my head, because i couldn't understand how God loved me. He wants to tell you how much already loves you before you did anything good, or before you did anything bad. The love of Christ is so radically abounding and unlike human love. I use to wonder, what is with this Jesus guy, he seems really amazing if everyone is talking about him, but i'm not sure if i can be holy enough or good enough to have him. Of course people run away. Have you ever run away from a guy or girl you realllyyy like because you didn't feel good enough? It's kind of like that. But God always calls us good enough, he wants to call us home.
And then of course there is this thing called sin. Founded on lies .. it blinds us and then it robs us.
As John Piper says .. " Guilt and pain are just warning signs from God that sin is suicidal to our souls . Our souls are the essence of who we are. So in a sense we are killing the very essence of our beings, the person we could be, the person we secretly deep down long to be, but never felt we could be. We sell our identities. We become defined by things, and not who are are authentically made to be. Our youth is fear-driven, broken, and hurting, with heavy feelings of self-condemnation, unworthiness, and emptiness. The function of sin is to control us, it makes us slaves, we need it to function. The pain-killer is to gain more things, the alcohol, the drugs,the reputation, the relationship. You know something functions as a drug when you need more and more of it to keep you full. Somehow having things make us feel self-sufficient, that happiness within our control, so we can never pin down that something is wrong, the allure keeps us in a cycle. Don't let the world fool you. These things that pass and keep us high for a moment, but then the same feelings of emptiness come creeping in. People long for more meaning, more joy, but yet doubt the answer would ever be found in a church. I know because I was that person. If you've ever felt the presence of God, Its an experience that we have encountered a need that has been unmet, met. If you just give him a chance, he will show you a love that will rock your world and turn you upside down. He will wash you clean of the shame, doubt and continue to win you with grace, following becomes easy as God reveals his love.The cry of my heart is to shout out who God is to the universe, and hope and wait that maybe someone would listen and hear. His grace is reaching out to this world , the Holy Spirit grieves until all are home.
<3From the girl whose chains have been broken with love.
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