Saturday, June 15, 2013

Hope in Change- Hope in Redemption

   Recently God has been showing me this part of my heart that struggles.  

"17 Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of anyone, for judgment belongs to God. Bring me any case too hard for you, and I will hear it.” 18 And at that time I told you everything you were to do." Deuteronomy 1:17

If you don't have hope that people can change then you also don't believe that there is hope for redemption
The reason why I had so much faith in my dreams and that I could change was because I knew God's ability to heal and restore. To love like Christ is to look at people and love them as if they've never hurt you and to know that unforgiveness hurts God more than other people

Monday, March 25, 2013

Dance with me

How do I overcome the resent  

The eyes of God see
The pain we hide

Fight my way through all the insensitivity
Tears shed
Broken Humanity
And wings that do heal in my makers hand
Burning through the fire
Breaking downward spiral, Lest  I forget 
The one's who have gone before me.
Eyes roll up resilient spirit
Nativity cursed a paradise
Split Husband and Wife
Into separate veils of emnity.
Roll like thunder to remake

A blessing

Runaway bride 
Painted red on the train tracks that race
Down to core of the matter
Takes me back to a time 

Where wild horses run
Away from fences which defend
Fear or losing
What was meant to be free
Natures cries  out to dance with harmony.
Bridges burnt while persecution scatters.
Confusion and visionless nights

When I could not find hope
Clinging to a scrap of truth
That there might be something more

Saturday, February 23, 2013

I love God.

I love God because he made me
I love God because he accepts me in my needing.
I love God because he makes me come alive.
I love God because he heals what breaks me
I love God because without him there is no destiny.
I love God because without him there is no meaning.
I love God because he gave me the Holy Spirit above the counsel of even many men.
I love God because without him there is no hope. I love God because he is beauty personified
God makes ppl beautiful who hurt us.
God bridges the gap between the space we create when we open our hearts.
I love God because he gives me more than just a second chance to get it right.
I love God because Jesus gives me permission to not be perfect, but no good reason to choose sin.
I love God because he is my husband when there is no husband.
I love God because he is my provision when it seems like there's no chance of provision.
I love God because his love is strong enough to carry my heart through the dark.
I want to honor this God who has brought me through.
Renewing this vow to actively choose to faithfully give God the best of me....
All the days of my life!

Friday, February 22, 2013

As long as we breathe
A chance to make it right.
Breaking free from prejudice
and the cost of glances that cast me out
Religion an Idol that stole my name.
Mercy covers me despite the fame
Denial leaves me on the floor again
Promises that covenant can't lose.
And how can we trust what we feel
In a world which teaches us shame.
Love was intended to heal
the things that break us
are the things that make us
wielded in fire
A hinge , a tool
to break injustice into peace.
Abandoned in this place of forgiveness and grace.
The ministry of reconciliation advanced on Earth
Sacrifice my needing to honor the King above.
In a time of judgment and war.
Faith springs forth justice.
A place at the mercy seat.
In the pit I find my maker's face.

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Pride of Life

The Pride of Life  and the "Valley of Dry Bones" 
File:127.Ezekiel’s Vision of the Valley of Dry Bones.jpg

      So Tuesday I had a strange day... I woke up and I couldn't feel God's presence. It scared me. After feeling his presence so strong and pouring out so much in ministry I woke up and couldn't feel his presence. I asked God what needs to leave in me?  He answered, " The Pride of Life". Confused ... I asked ..." What do you mean God?" Silence. I couldn't understand what God had meant by this. Suddenly I felt an insane loss of hope. As if my future had been shafted in an instant. All the dreams and all the promises in my heart seemed to blur. I felt like my life was meaningless. Although in my mind I knew the word of God, my heart and soul felt dead, my spirit felt dry the whole day. I started to panic ... my first thought... "God are you Mad at me?" I couldn't feel anything the whole day.. I tried to talk to friends but they didn't understand and I felt so alone. The only way they could help was redirect me to God. I opened up to my bible and I came to the valley of dry bones verses 36,37. In the valley of dry bones the prophet Ezekiel reassures the exiles that the promise of God are secure, that there is a hope for restoration. As the Israelites were away from their true home for so long their "bones felt dry". In the same sense we die a spiritual death as people when we pursue the things of this world. In this life even the righteous go down to their graves just as the wicked. In the valley of dry bones this has both a literal and spiritual context. Kings will rise and fall. In the end the only things that matter are the things we unlock here on earth for God's namesake, that we hold onto the promises of God long enough for the dream to actually come true. Even if we die trying, God's dream over your life is worth it. " Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean from all your filthiness and from all . A new heart also will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:25-26. 
Throughout this I realize God was correcting me, but because he loves me enough to not let me stay ignorant to my nature. I think the most discouraging part was how although God was the only one who could reveal this to me not many people left the door open for the fact that God may be doing something big, somehow to others I was the problem .I felt like job. I felt angry that the world was trying to help me to understand what only God knew. I felt ashamed that I showed weakness, I felt ashamed that I didn't have the answers, I felt  as though other believers looked at me like I was sinful because for one day I felt like God didn't love me. When really he removed his spirit to teach me something, reverence for God.  God was showing me what spiritual pride looks like. It's thinking you have all the answers as a Christian when really God could be doing something mysterious, beautiful, and deep.
Finally after some prayers with some really amazing brothers who let me rant on how scared and confused and lost I felt, I was redirected to God's heart. In seeking his heart suddenly my heart opened up and I started to scream I love God so muchhh I love dad. And I love the girls in my ministry. I felt so much love. I felt relieved and it was not because of my future, but it was because of the right now, the things of God.
The next day I met with a mentor and she put things into perspective for me. I realized that I had forgotten what it felt like to be spiritually dead and to have a loss of hope. I realized that for a point in time I had got so caught up in the things that were in the earthly realms, that I loss sight of the things in heavenly realms. One conclusion that I can draw from this experience is .. God doesn't use people who are perfect, he uses people who revere him. Second, Christians who don't believe in the sovereignty of God are some of the most miserable Christians you will ever meet. I stopped being one of those people starting today. My advice... don't work so hard toward moral perfection that you lose who you are, that you lose the freedom and joy and Christ promises us everyday despite circumstance, despite whether or not our dreams come true. As we become who are in Christ it's not about earthly realms, it's about compassion and it's about bringing the truth to the world to be about our father's business. When talking about how change brings conflict Jesus said, " Think not that I am to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. "  Matthew 10:34. And we need to LET GO of earth, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." Matthew 10:39.  If you truly place your stock in heavenly things then nothing can ever really be taken from you, then then you can't fully be devastated beyond repair. Earthly things are just a perk, and if they mean that much to you, they will eventually corrupt your heart. The reward is who you become  in life and the honor is the harvest of souls in reverence of the kind King we serve. Today I choose God.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Daughter of the King

I wrote this one for the lovely ladies of Wonderfully Made when I shared on my talk " True Love Waits"

To: Wonderfully Made
Never forget how much of a princess you are in his eyes. You are a Daughter of the King!



Yes, we grew up watching them... our favorite princesses who fell in love and found their prince charming.  You know ... prince charming always comes to save the girl when she's in trouble and whisks her away at the end of the story.   

The little girl inside of us still hungers.. for as long as we believe in the fairytale we will starve to death. I wish i didn't have to tell the story this way, but we live in a fallen and broken world. Sometimes dreaming lifts us out of the sad and cold reality of the world, it keeps us from growing cold ourselves. But it is unreliable, and it will fail us eventually. So where does this leave us?
To take those dreams and package them up, put them in a box and leave them at the foot of the cross. The story we tried to write ourselves .. well it was never a place to be writing it to begin with. God wants to do something with our dreams. God is our only hope. We live in a world that breaks my heart, but I believe in a good good God who grows things out of the ashes. What i've found is that the hero who rides in at the end of the story is Jesus. He finds us where we are in our trouble, he binds up our broken hearts, he patchs us up again. He helps us walk again when we are not strong enough to stand anymore. He hears our prayers, he listens closely to our concerns and the desire of our heart.
 Our fairytale princes don't have the courage  and strength they do in the movies. What if I told you that your fairytale prince was in bondage too, just like you. What if I told you he is bound by lies just as you are, about who you are .. your identity? And I need to warn you that there are some imposter nights out there who will take you over a cliff, who don’t care if they endanger your soul. because they aren't concerned about your spiritual, mental, or emotional well being

But venture to say that we can take some wisdom from these fairytale princesses. What we remember most about them is their compassion, gentleness, bravery, humor and liveliness. What we remember the most when we recall our favorite princesses we remember their stories and the WHO that they are, not what kind of dress they were wearing. Their beauty and charm was not what made them memorable, but the courage to be who they are was what always stood out. Put your heart behind God's will and I promise he will give you the desires of your heart. And the one who wants to have a daughter of the king must first go through her father. For God, our king stands above the hearts of men and will only let the best man win his daughter. 
Maybe we don't get the fairy tale or the same love story in the movies, but in letting go of the fairytale God still gives us something beautiful . How far does human love carry someone? A wise woman once told me ... beyond them-self.  In case you have forgotten ... God says about love  this …

1 Corinthians 13 
 And now I will sow you the best way of all. Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings and of angels. But if I do not have love, I am nothing, am am but a loud gong or noisy cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.