Healing the Wound of Silence

It's been really hard for me to write this blog entry because it took some digging and i had to take down the stone wall i've had up lately. I knew behind it wasn't going to be pretty. How do we stay healthy in all areas of our being? It's hard to keep your feet planted in the middle and balance all levels.  Body Mind and Soul and three are connected .Growing up and for years well into college i struggled to be able to stand up for myself. I couldn't understand my worth nor how to guard it. Only until recent years am i just waking up to my worth, and only now how to protect it. I am grateful for the restaurant industry, it has given me a thicker skin ...  a little more attitude and more outspokeness. While at the same time has not been good for my mental health. I see the games people play with eachother,that acting a certain way intimidates people into respecting them. I try my hardest to not say anything negative about other people. I don't want to do what people have done to me.  I work 5 days a week, and I don't want to allow for an environment where co-workers walk all over me. So when i feel disrespected i stand up for myself. I don't do it in a way that intends to communicate but it creates a boundary, i am so fed up with people and have little patience for their rudeness all i want is my respect. After so many years of silence and not standing up to people it seems to all be coming out at once. I know i need to stop before i become someone who i am not.  I'm workin on being more communicative, but at the same time it would require a shift in my view on people, which won't turn to positive for as long as i am in the industry.

‘You will only be worth anything when you have the courage to tear away the coating of silver covering your eyes in order to be able to see again and love your fellow man.

Trying to forgive humanity after realizing the ugly truth about it. Sometimes i wish i was still sheltered, it was so much easier to be optimistic. There are so many bad people in the world, and at first i didn't want believe it, but now that people have taken pieces from me it's all I believe. When and what will it end with? . Battle to stay myself, to remain. The wound is raw and surfaced. Morning the loss of innocence in my mind, body , and soul that has been stolen by the world. Love and compassion use to be a natural strength for me... but take these things so i don't feel. :(