I cannot take credit for the title of this post. It was inspired by a stranger i met today. While trying to escape my stress, mainly my financial woes and crumbling relationships .. i sat in a park by Crowne Point while smoking a cigar and journaling on my computer. So im sitting at crowne point shadily as far away as I can from families because I feel kinda weird smoking a cigar. Don’t wanna set a bad example for kiddos. I’m either really stressed to the um tee-nth degree when im smoking a cigar or really relaxed. So here are my own rationalizations as i sat alone journaling before this " stranger" sat with me and we talked .
I am stressed because of things with classes aren't transfer over for a full semester credit of Spanish so now i have to take two summer courses . This all rocks the boat wiith stuff i'm not gonna get into, technically i didn't do my hw on the transfer of classes .. but are you kidding its a foreign lang at a university and it doesn't count at my school? I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but there is a whole other thing that i'm not getting into which is domino effect of this, which is something that really impacts me. Also found out that my ticket is going to make my insurance go up. ..... Going to have to switch insurance and start paying for it . Long story short ... im screwed financially once again. But out of the depths of my financial problems i managed to find some light. Lately ive been trying to rearrange my mindset about alot of things and keep positive about my goals ... if you stay positive then positive things will happen.
So i brainstormed on how despite these discomforts how i can devote my time to a second job that i actually like and my passions . One is that working at a boutique would be good so i could get discounts on clothes so i can be better prepared for photoshoots. I want to get deeper into modeling and photography .. and i need the outfits to back it up. I'm running out of wardrobe options for my shoots. Lastly, but not least i need to do some volunteer work and start making some deeper connections in my life than i have been. Don’t give up on your dreams when there is so much negativity surrounding you. I have learned that people who tell you that you cant do something or who are always belittling and criticizing you will always bee wrong in the end, they will see someday .. if you are strong enough to overcome your fears of what others think or of failing, you will prove them wrong one day. It just fear.. it fades away .. all it is an "illusion" - Richard Bach . You may walk through the valley of that shadow of death in this life, but God is with you through it, even when he seems silent.Trust him. I know its hard, but what else do we have left to hang on to if we don’t hang on to him?. I have so much to be thankful for God gave me God has given me gifts, a purpose, and many blessings ; i need to remind myself of this. So here i am, myconclusions always end with God when i sit and think alone.. but my next conclusion ended with human connection. To some degree ive always known this and try to live my life this way. But now and then i just need a reminder.
Today i was approached by this guy while i was journaling and he asked me what i was doing. I told him i was just relieving stress. We sat and talked for a while. This stranger helped me see my situation in a different light and reminded me of what is important in life. He started out by saying life is about living for those connections we make with one another.
The world has been searching for that meaning since the beginning of time . - Jimmy. His name is Jimmy and he has done and seen it all. He told me about his rough background and then i started to see how we all come from something a little messed up, but in the end we are all searching for that same thing .. meaning and human connection. There is something to be said about taking things as a negative in life. Winners are the ones who persevere and take the negatives as an opportunity. We have to make something beautiful out of something ugly. We all go through junk in life. It makes us better if we let it and while we're going through the struggle it helps to keep what's important in life at the fore front. I am coming to find that i am really gifted at connecting with broken ppl, maybe because there is a certain honesty in that. I want people to feel like they are understood. By the end of our conversation he asked for my number, i took down his. I don't think i feel comfortable ever spending more time with jimmy and didn't see him in a romantic way, but i think we met for a reason today. I wish i could really help him , he is beginning a journey himself recovering from a really bad past, before i left i gave him encouragement and i guess the most i can really do is pray that he finds that meaning he is looking for. We both are looking for the same kind of meaning. We both believe in it.
Men dream of beautiful women ... of sleeping with beautiful women. But do they ever dream of a woman with inner beauty? In my opinion .. inner beauty can only fulfill the heart and soul. Looks always fade..For many maybe it doesn't matter when you are young and in lust, in love can wait for later? For some people the desire to find inner beauty is in them all along.
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