Honey and Milk

" I'm weeping for honey and milk, that you stay surrounding me." - Missy Higgins

I trust in these chances because i know that the Lord guides me, may your grip on God be tenacious, may your faith be unshakable and unbound to circumstance, abundant in gain or to loss. But I also really do believe that God sends us angels sometimes that seem to come out of nowhere to get us through this journey we call life - -Drea Kelly

Work For It

Dreams don't just fall into your lap ... you work for it. Everyone labors hard in this life.

Wounded by Religion: " The Unworthy Are Worthy"

I'm writing this blog entry to share my testimony. Once upon a time I thought I wasn't Christian enough to be a part of the Christian club. When I thought of other Christians it painted a picture of a fake and pious christian, someone who never sins , someone who is better than I am. I know that there are some prideful Christians out there, but no one is perfect, i too have been hurt by them. But a prideful heart cannot be used.  God can't use the proud, but can in fact use a willing hand and the broken heart of a sinner. In fact, a broken heart leads to salvation. I realize now that love draws us toward obedience, the closer we walk  to God the more of him we receive. When you fall in love, you are willing to do more. As we learn how God accepts us in our imperfection, he stretches our hearts accept the truth about what it means to have a relationship with him. Don't worry about how you will be come to be good at following Jesus, it's not an equation, God makes it easy, he overcomes us, he wins the battle inside us. He is stronger than you and your weaknesses,  and he is stronger than the past. God calls us out of the crooks of sin and brokenness. In reality, deep down underneath our stories we are sloppy and we were all once a mess until Jesus found us in our woundedness, healed us, and then sanctified our hearts, so we could pour out the same love that God showed us to others. Once wounded by religion, in my head i was following out of fear, no one in the church ever explained to me how God was a relational God, who knows me and cares. I thought if I was good then I could earn God's love. I had to have God  beat it  into my head, because i couldn't understand how God loved me. He wants to tell you how much already loves you before you did anything good, or before you did anything bad. The love of Christ is so radically abounding and unlike human love. I use to wonder, what is with this Jesus guy, he seems really amazing if everyone is talking about him, but i'm not sure if i can be holy enough or good enough to have him. Of course people run away. Have you ever run away from a guy or girl you realllyyy like because you didn't feel good enough? It's kind of like that. But God always calls us good enough, he wants to call us home. 

And then of course there is this thing called sin. Founded on lies .. it blinds us and then it robs us.

 As John Piper says .. " Guilt and pain are just warning signs from God that sin is suicidal to our souls . Our souls are the essence of who we are. So in a sense we are killing the very essence of our beings, the person we could be, the person we secretly deep down long to be, but never felt we could be. We sell our identities. We become defined by things, and not who are are authentically made to be. Our youth is fear-driven, broken, and hurting, with heavy feelings of self-condemnation, unworthiness, and emptiness. The function of sin is to control us, it makes us slaves, we need it to function. The pain-killer is  to gain more things, the alcohol, the drugs,the reputation, the relationship. You know something functions as a drug when you need more and more of it to keep you full. Somehow having things make us feel self-sufficient, that happiness within our control, so we can never pin down that something is wrong, the allure  keeps us in a cycle.  Don't let the world fool you. These things that pass and keep us high for a moment, but then the same feelings of emptiness come creeping in. People long for more meaning, more joy, but yet doubt the answer would ever be found in a church. I know because I was that person. If you've ever felt the presence of God, Its an experience that we have encountered a need that has been unmet, met. If you just give him a chance, he will show you a love that will rock your world and turn you upside down.  He will wash you clean of the shame, doubt and continue to win you with grace, following becomes easy as God reveals his love.The cry of my heart is to shout out who God is to the universe, and hope and wait that maybe someone would listen and hear. His grace is reaching out to this world , the Holy Spirit grieves until all are home.

<3From the girl whose chains have been broken with love.

Bound

My wandering heart is bound. I searched the world for meaning but I found it nowhere. Don't chase happiness , it is built on things that fade and come to an end, chase joy, because joy always last. It requires selflessness, but it also brings freedom. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I don't even have the capacity to love God  back in the way he loves me. Thankfully, Perfectionism is not a prerequisite to being loved or worthy of love, so get it out of your head .  One thing is for certain and that is God has stolen my heart , when you fall in love you can't go back anymore. I will never stop pursuing God like he will never stop pursing me.  I want the way I live my life to be one giant thank you card to the lord and all he has done. 




*Jesus died on the cross so we could enter into a new convenant relationship, that the truth of God would no longer be by the written law, but that the only Holy Spirit would be among us and right the truth of God on our hearts and minds, which leads to following and abiding in God's way. The Holy Spirit comes to captivate and possess our hearts. :) 2 Co 3:12

On Dreaming Big

When you want something, you don't ask for it, you demand it, you shout it out to the *****ing universe, because you deserve it.

3 enemies of wisdom  

1.  The flesh- it wants to be the king of our lives. 

( including emotionally driven we won't be able to walk with love and a sound mind.)

2. Spirit of Independence 

3. Voice of Criticism

Break-through

Words which carved a hole in me

 In the light of healing weakness relays

Homeless heart left darkness proud

A little girl longing down roads that echo

Left cold like  the altar that didn't know him

left my sacrifice there

strings which bind -- play each nerve

I can't let go

Fear of the cycle.

Help is harm from a calloused hand

Left me sleeping to my name

Desert sands teach the weak

Strength born in night.

Nails once tarnished

Shine bright

He ment to set the captives free 

Break the chains and make us see

Rising up against the doubt

At 22 I learned he loves and lives. 

Little one who fell long ago  

In Silence lost, the world's spell

Give her a voice and make your glory glow
Expose the darkness let the truth show

From wanting to be a woman

From wanting to be strong

She lost herself self.  

Put her faith on the shelf. 

Pages of a journal that needed to breathe

Swing the door wide open now
Absence builds the longing.
The father calls a heart forgotten 

A Song of God in victory
 A Desert woman's story

Drawn to the beloved

Sing for all that's wrong

Sing for all that's free

Only in Christ can we really be.

Let me store up my love

Belief in the unseen

From wreckage I glean 

To be everything opposite of you.

Tornados on tongues
Sunday Morning

Loss of control.

To the missing parts

two hearts will cleave 

Love birthed from tears.  

Healing that wipes away fears.

Shake up the need

Faith that explodes from the seed.

 I'm lost at your feet.  

I ran a race i could not beat.
The wonder of a holy plan.

In you alone I grow

Keep the fire stoked
To push the plow.

 Blow wisdom from hands 

Worked to the bone, on empty
Call forth strength

The harvest is plenty.  

The Journey

Told me I was too young to know

Anything about life. 

Made dreams out of fears. 

Can't separate me from the call.

While you were hollow of heart 

I ran within.   

Words were harsh

Stoned to the ground 
Abandoned to need.

But I crawled from the rubble  

Back to where i belong.

Plane ride calling me home

Tell me now what didn't happen then

Revelation parts  all the lies

Long paths walked alone 
Waiting on an end with cheeks that stain

Dark night of the soul cries.  
Come and find me in the rain.

Seasons make it beautiful

I learned to cry  before i could fly

Beat of my soul that made me whole 

You keep me from lonely.  

Sun blazing on the parts I lost  
Hold it in the light now
Love  sings solemnly

Knowing you had an equal cost.

But I pray still that you are my only

I die to myself so i can live again 
Child set free by words that mend.